When most people think about parenting styles, familiar terms like “helicopter parenting” or “attachment parenting” usually come to mind. But there’s a powerful, evidence-informed approach that’s gaining recognition, especially among foster carers, called therapeutic parenting. While it may not be as widely known, therapeutic parenting offers a profound way to support children who have experienced trauma or insecure early attachments.
What Exactly Is Therapeutic Parenting?
Therapeutic parenting is a trauma-informed approach rooted in empathy, consistency, and connection. It’s not about acting as a therapist to your child, but about bringing therapeutic principles—such as emotional attunement, secure boundaries, and co-regulation—into the everyday parent-child relationship.
At its core, therapeutic parenting aims to create an environment where children feel safe enough to heal and form secure attachments. Unlike more traditional parenting methods that rely heavily on rewards and punishments, therapeutic parenting is less focused on controlling behaviour and more concerned with understanding it.
As parenting expert Dr. Dan Hughes explains, “Children who have experienced trauma need parenting that helps them feel safe, seen, and soothed.” His widely adopted PACE model—standing for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy—is often the foundation of this parenting style (Hughes, 2016).
Why Therapeutic Parenting Matters—Especially for Foster Carers
Many children in foster care come from backgrounds where neglect, abuse, or chaotic environments were the norm. For these children, traditional parenting strategies often fall short because they assume a child already has a secure emotional base.
Research from the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry emphasises that trauma can significantly alter a child’s stress response system, making them more reactive and less able to regulate emotions (Perry & Pollard, 1998). In this context, a child’s challenging behaviour is rarely about defiance—it’s often a symptom of underlying fear or unmet needs.
Therapeutic parenting acknowledges this. By providing both high nurture and high structure, it creates predictability, emotional safety, and the conditions necessary for healing.
Boundaries and Routines: Creating Safety Through Structure
One of the cornerstones of therapeutic parenting is establishing firm boundaries and consistent routines. This might include set mealtimes, regular bedtimes, and even predictable seating arrangements at the table. Though these may seem small, these structures send a powerful message: you are safe, and you can count on me.
Children who have experienced chaos or unpredictability in early life often feel unsafe in the absence of routine. According to child psychiatrist Dr. Bruce Perry, “Patterned, repetitive experiences are the key to healing from trauma” (Perry, 2006). Predictable environments help regulate the nervous system and reduce the child’s sense of danger.
Even avoiding surprises becomes an intentional strategy. For children with trauma histories, unexpected events can trigger fear responses because their brains may associate unpredictability with danger.
Empathy Over Punishment
A central theme in therapeutic parenting is the replacement of discipline with empathy. Instead of asking, “Why did you do that?”—which can trigger shame or confusion—parents might say, “I can see you’re really struggling right now,” or “That was an interesting choice—tell me more about what happened.”
These responses communicate curiosity and compassion rather than judgement. They also help children build emotional literacy and self-awareness.
Therapeutic parenting avoids punishments and rewards because these often focus on surface-level behaviour, not the emotions or needs driving that behaviour. Instead, carers are encouraged to use time-ins rather than time-outs. In a time-in, the caregiver stays close and emotionally present, helping the child calm down and reflect, rather than isolating them during a moment of distress.
Becoming a More Therapeutic Parent
Adopting a therapeutic parenting approach doesn’t mean being perfect. In fact, it requires self-compassion as much as it does empathy for your child. Parenting is hard, especially when your child is expressing their pain through challenging behaviour.
Therapeutic parenting teaches us that behaviour is communication. When a child is acting out, the goal isn’t to punish them into submission, but to help them return to a regulated state where they feel safe, connected, and understood.
A good starting point for many carers is the PACE model, developed by Dan Hughes. Here's a quick overview:
- Playfulness: Bring lightness and fun to interactions, when appropriate.
- Acceptance: Validate the child’s internal experience, even if you can’t accept their behaviour.
- Curiosity: Instead of correcting or scolding, ask open-ended questions with genuine interest.
- Empathy: Tune into their emotions and respond with compassion.
This model provides a flexible framework that supports healing relationships between carers and children.
Final Thoughts
Therapeutic parenting offers a powerful alternative to behaviour-based parenting styles. By focusing on connection, empathy, and structure, it supports children in building the trust and emotional regulation they need to thrive.
If you're interested in deepening your understanding, consider attending trauma-informed parenting workshops or reading foundational texts like Building the Bonds of Attachment by Dan Hughes or The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis.
As Dr. Karen Treisman, a clinical psychologist and trauma expert, puts it: “Children need relationships that are safe, kind, predictable, and understanding. Healing happens in relationships, not in isolation.”
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